Now-- Am I Overreacting??
current mood: irritated
smartandhot2005 (7:58:43 PM): you are clearly my density
Solitia (7:59:12 PM): I am your density? I've been called someone's "destiny" before, but never their "density". *grins*
smartandhot2005 (7:59:28 PM): well you have depth and mass so it seemed appropriate
Solitia (8:04:52 PM): Ah, and also a double meaning because, by that definition, everyone is dense. *laughs*
smartandhot2005 (8:05:46 PM): if only you knew the movie it came from you'd know how apposite that riposte was - and yes i enjoy innuendo which itself is perhaps double in meaning ;O)
Solitia (8:10:05 PM): I don't know what movie it's from. I am not a big movie person... or television person
smartandhot2005 (8:20:49 PM): back to the future
Solitia (8:20:58 PM): I haven't seen that movie in YEARS
smartandhot2005 (8:22:03 PM): so how is findlay today
Solitia (8:22:32 PM): Rainy
smartandhot2005 (8:22:58 PM): in summer
Solitia (8:23:55 PM): And it's only 40 degrees outside. IN MAY. *dies* Normally it's in the high 70s
smartandhot2005 (8:24:32 PM): that s hideous no tannning for you lmao
Solitia (8:27:14 PM): I never tan. I personally find tanned skin appalling.
smartandhot2005 (8:27:20 PM): i was teasing mora
Solitia (8:28:03 PM): I am not a cow. *smirks* People are always saying how stupid cows are but the motherfuckers don't lay around in the sun and make leather out of themselves. *snorts*
smartandhot2005 (8:29:17 PM): exactly. women smoking and tanning to make themselves thinner and browner and thus more attractive - to a prune perhaps
Solitia (8:35:13 PM): I've never understood it. Granted, though, I do smoke occasionally
smartandhot2005 (8:35:35 PM): do you smoke after sex or have you not looked ?
Solitia (8:41:07 PM): If I am smoking after sex we're doing it WAY too fast
smartandhot2005 (8:41:51 PM): agreed - slow and insistent is the way to go
Solitia (8:42:47 PM): Insistent?
smartandhot2005 (8:43:46 PM): persistent might be a better word
Solitia (8:44:10 PM): Insistent or persistent-- either one implies force to me.
smartandhot2005 (8:44:36 PM): not intended - insistent might - thats why i changed it
Solitia (8:45:24 PM): As I said, my perception of either word is that of implied force. That's just my inferrence, however.
smartandhot2005 (8:45:31 PM): fair enough. im not into force
Solitia (8:46:30 PM): *nods* Firm, yes. Force, no. Which I believe is where you were going
smartandhot2005 (8:46:42 PM): firm and consistnet rhythm. you know me so wel
Solitia (8:48:56 PM): I am not talking about sex. I am talking abou seduction. Sex is overrated
smartandhot2005 (8:49:39 PM): really? thats an interesting statement - i would love you to expand on that. why is sex overrated?
Solitia (8:53:13 PM): Because sex is only the stimulation of the sex organs. A few minutes, you orgasm, it's done. The best part of sex is the warm fuzzy afterward. For me, the seduction is what it's all about... the touch, the mental stimuatlion, the finding things about one another... Sex is quick and done. *shrugs* And if it takes too long of someone fucking around for me to cum, I get pissed, kick them off, use my toys and move on
smartandhot2005 (8:55:16 PM): lol - well in that scenario id use your toys on you - and while ia gree fully
about the seduction and the getting to know someone (the true intimacy) - what if you were brought near to orgasm repeatedly for a prolonged time? wouldnt that make sex more appealing
Solitia (8:57:27 PM): No, that would piss me off.
smartandhot2005 (8:57:27 PM): cannot the lead up to orgasm be an extension odf that intimacy'
Solitia (8:57:43 PM): When I want to cum, I want to cum. I don't wanna fuck around with it, I just want it.
smartandhot2005 (8:57:51 PM): really - so you just wnat to fuck come and cuddle
Solitia (8:57:59 PM): The touch and kiss and play can be intimate without the leading up to orgasm part.
smartandhot2005 (8:58:07 PM): true
Solitia (8:58:16 PM): Actually, I really want nothing to do with the fuck part. I can make myself cum and do it better than anyone else can.
smartandhot2005 (8:58:29 PM): i sensed that
Solitia (8:58:49 PM): I would rather have the mental stimulation and intimacy
smartandhot2005 (8:59:53 PM): i agree - but im intrigued by the way you compartmentalise it - would teaching a man to make you cum that well be surrendering somethign of yourself or am i heading into quack psychology
Solitia (9:01:08 PM): The thing is... I find very few anyones, male or female, who are worthy to touch me in a sexual manner. From there, teaching them isn't a problem. However, the very idea that someone think they should be worthy of being that close to my body in such a way is an insult.
smartandhot2005 (9:01:51 PM): why?
Solitia (9:02:31 PM): Too many people today are more about fucking and not enough about knowing themselves. If they would stop foocusing on fucking me and pay more attention to their mind and the way it works, we might be able to make a connection. I can't fuck anyone I don't find intellectually stimulating
smartandhot2005 (9:02:49 PM): i agree entirely
Solitia (9:02:52 PM): I guess if I had one kink, it would be intellectual stimulation
smartandhot2005 (9:02:57 PM): the brian is the sexiest aort of anyone well you hit the jackpot with me mora
re intellectual stimulation you said you despise guys who brag about sexual prowess - you'll get none of that from me - except in play - but i dont undersetimate my intellect one iota. i am very very smart tho of course prone to moments of insane dumbness
Solitia (9:12:34 PM): Not everyone can be "on" all the time. As long as you don't confuse ignorance and stupidity, we're alright
smartandhot2005 (9:12:59 PM): i'm very quick witted and no i dont make thatmistake. is sheer intellect stimulating or does it have to be focussed in a certain way to turn you on?
Solitia (9:19:50 PM): That's a loaded question, really
smartandhot2005 (9:20:00 PM): how so?
Solitia (9:20:33 PM): If one tries too hard to be "smart", it bothers me. One can be intelligent without treating everyone else as though they are stupid. That has been a problem with me in the past.
smartandhot2005 (9:21:19 PM): i hope im not condescending
Solitia (9:21:25 PM): Not thus far.
smartandhot2005 (9:21:25 PM): i cant suffer fools at all
Solitia (9:21:29 PM): Nor can I
smartandhot2005 (9:21:42 PM): but i dont equate book learning with the only source of intellugence
Solitia (9:22:05 PM): Neither do I Just as philosophy is not about quoting those who have gone before.
smartandhot2005 (9:22:26 PM): i try to encourage intelligenc ein ppl but i hateintelelctual laziness, bigotry and dogma
Solitia (9:23:00 PM): *nods* I agree
smartandhot2005 (9:23:50 PM): i think youd enjoy jousting with em and then of course youd want to ravage me lol
Solitia (9:24:33 PM): To be quite honest, I never want to "ravage" anyone.
smartandhot2005 (9:24:40 PM): always a first time lol
Solitia (9:24:46 PM): Most likely not.
smartandhot2005 (9:24:59 PM): its very frustrating that you dont do phone cos im clearly too disatnt to be face to face with you
Solitia (9:25:17 PM): To ravage a person is to be impetuous with one's sexual advances. you ahve my permission lol
Solitia (9:25:36 PM): I don't have time or the inclination to leave my house.
smartandhot2005 (9:25:47 PM): inclination mor elike
Solitia (9:26:32 PM): Then let me rephrase that. To ravage a person is to be impetious with one's own sexual advances. I am rarely impetuous or do anything without careful contemplation.
smartandhot2005 (9:26:48 PM): theres an element of you that is confounding and personally i find actual cnversation the best way to break thru that
Solitia (9:26:59 PM): To take time out of my writing schedule to have a potentially irritating discussion with someone is not advantageous to me.
Solitia (9:27:12 PM): What element do you find confounding?
smartandhot2005 (9:27:13 PM): thats pretentious bs
Solitia (9:27:29 PM): Then I shall be labeled pretentious
smartandhot2005 (9:27:34 PM): but your prerogative
Solitia (9:27:36 PM): It's how I feel.
smartandhot2005 (9:27:38 PM): lol
Solitia (9:27:51 PM): Quite honestly, I don't WANT to meet with people, *shrugs*
smartandhot2005 (9:27:58 PM): thats what confounds
Solitia (9:28:01 PM): I find them a waste of time unless they serve a functio to me. Why does that confuse you?
smartandhot2005 (9:28:18 PM): i wonder about its origins how much is timidity how much is affectation how much is somethign else
Solitia (9:29:01 PM): I can tell you that my timidity only applies when I want to hit on a girl or when I am around a new group of people I have not had time to assess.
smartandhot2005 (9:29:39 PM): id like to meet you in real life to better judge these asertions so many of your wordsa re open to different subjective interpratation im sure youre perfectly "normal" in real life
Solitia (9:30:14 PM): Everything else of my not wanting to meet people is that I just find people irritating. They are not interested in really getting to know someone... they are only waiting for their own chance to speak and I find that irritating. Plus they then feel they have the right to lay claim to my time and I hate that.
smartandhot2005 (9:30:21 PM): quiet perhaps but not totally asocial
Solitia (9:30:34 PM): Than you for not saying "antisocial" and for knowing the difference between the two
smartandhot2005 (9:30:42 PM): so much of what you say i agree with
smartandhot2005 (9:31:01 PM): but equally a lot of it raises my anti pretension hackles ill eb honest
Solitia (9:32:16 PM): I will be frank with you. The reason why I do not want to be around people is because they overwhelm me.
smartandhot2005 (9:32:26 PM): thats honest of you why is thatg?
Solitia (9:32:46 PM): As for why the overwhelm me... they think I'm a nifty toy and sometimes I just need to work things through in my head. I don't have time to do that when other people are around. I don't process things like other people do... Honestly, I display many traits of a high functioning Autistic.
smartandhot2005 (9:33:06 PM): a nifty toy in what way a conversation starter or a potential sextoy but have you been diagnosed?
Solitia (9:34:58 PM): And as for being diagnosed, no. I just said I display traits of a high functioning autistic.
smartandhot2005 (9:35:26 PM): i think youre a combination of smart, introverted in the true sense and unconfident despite the bravado
Solitia (9:36:03 PM): I am underconfident in some areas, yes. I am very confident in others. My writing I am surpremely confident in. Although having my ego stroked about it is excellent. *laughs* In social situations I am quiet and watch people.
smartandhot2005 (9:36:47 PM): thats fine
Solitia (9:37:07 PM): To be quite honest, my social phobia stems from childhood and my school peers.
smartandhot2005 (9:37:16 PM): ia ssumed as much the school misfit smart yet not the prom queen ive seen the movies and tho cliched they have an inner truth too smart to conform yet didnt esacape to big city college for whatever reason you find liberation in intelellectual pursuits and celebrating inwardly your difference hows that for guesswork
Solitia (9:43:07 PM): I was not a misfit. I fit with my friends. I just couldn't understand why I couldn't walk up and talk to the other kids and ask to play without them treating me like I was diseased. Therefore, I do not ask to join along and I do not just jump in with whatever they are doing due to learning I was not wanted. *shrugs*
smartandhot2005 (9:43:48 PM): did you intimidate - just look different or what?
Solitia (9:44:51 PM): I have come a long way from the person I used to be.
smartandhot2005 (9:45:19 PM): thats good - im glad you have a champion
Solitia (9:45:39 PM): I am my own champion
smartandhot2005 (9:45:55 PM): but we all need encouragement to attain that self awareness thats all i meant
Solitia (9:47:37 PM): I don't believe we need encouragement once we have begun on the road, though. I continue because I find interest in it, not because I have someone priding me on it. Another reason why I don't like people is because they try to "figure me out" and are often times wrong.
smartandhot2005 (9:48:17 PM): another word for that is showing interest in you
Solitia (9:48:34 PM): I like to figure myself out. When people tell me who and what they believe me to be, I get defensive.
smartandhot2005 (9:48:38 PM): if you are quite closed - people have to pry
Solitia (9:48:56 PM): They can ask me whatever they'd like and I offer forward the answers.
smartandhot2005 (9:48:57 PM): but dont think ive told you nce ive just offered potential hypotheses for your affirmation or destruction
Solitia (9:50:05 PM): Yes, but I don't understand why it is people seek to unravel me instead of simply accepting what I have molded myself to be.
smartandhot2005 (9:50:12 PM): this is why i like conversation youre a human being not an ornament anyon worth their salt would wnat to unpeel the layers that is the nature of friendship
Solitia (9:51:12 PM): A person is a summation of their parts and having those parts peeled away leaves one unwhole.
smartandhot2005 (9:51:25 PM): thats defensive bs
Solitia (9:52:47 PM): I don't see why it is a problem to keep one's self closed and take time to get to know someone. I don't understand why it is that someone must seek to open me to my core.
smartandhot2005 (9:53:06 PM): i think theres a middle path thats known as social intercourse
Solitia (9:53:07 PM): One would not open a rose before the rose itself has bloomed.
smartandhot2005 (9:53:20 PM): but you would sniff it
Solitia (9:53:45 PM): Yes, but sniffing is asking questions and sufficing answers, not pulling and tugging at the petals that are not yet ready to open.
smartandhot2005 (9:54:04 PM): youre telling me how to sniff now?
Solitia (9:54:24 PM): I am telling you that this rose has built a lot of thorns.
smartandhot2005 (9:54:37 PM): i understand that and i am sorry but i have big gloves and can handle thorns without suffering
Solitia (9:55:09 PM): But before I am ready to make the cut, it's not fair to me that you would force me to open up to things I am not ready to offer forth.
smartandhot2005 (9:55:19 PM): there is no force here
Solitia (9:55:33 PM): Ah. And so we go back to our original discourse.
smartandhot2005 (9:56:41 PM): yes - that is the weakness - I think speaking on phone allows each side to sense discomfort in the other, to respect that and to impute nuances and swiych tracks more quickly than in IM
Solitia (9:57:07 PM): IM allows me the time to collect my thoughts that live interactions do not. Therefore I am not as easily overwhelmed. Or I can step away if needs be without voicing it
smartandhot2005 (9:57:26 PM): you need to be strecthed a little by someone who respects the provisos you have just made but who wants to get you to open up somemore tho of course that would be your choice cos maybe you are high functioning autistic and thus very sensitive or maybe you are shy and nt autistic
Solitia (10:01:48 PM): The autism would be the way I process things. Too much action overwhelms me. I can't process all of the information coming into my brain and I overload. I have to have time to myself and take any kind of situation where there are people, even being in my livingroom with my family, in small doses. If people are too loud around me it overwhelms me *shrugs*
smartandhot2005 (10:02:46 PM): i understand what youre saying
Solitia (10:02:56 PM): And I do not believe I need to stretch any further than I deem is necessary and before I am ready to do it for myself.
smartandhot2005 (10:03:04 PM): of course im just impatient lol and pushy
Solitia (10:03:15 PM): Yes, I gathered that
smartandhot2005 (10:03:25 PM): hey i aint perfect
Solitia (10:03:31 PM): And you also believe, like others I have encountered, that you know what is best and right for me. Love, no one is perfect.
smartandhot2005 (10:03:46 PM): i am not being prescrriptive Im making sugestions and observations not telling you
Solitia (10:04:31 PM): You can't say, though, that you believe you have the right tools to "stretch" me. *smirks*
smartandhot2005 (10:05:03 PM): i am well equipped - better than most idiots - but anyway it is late - so i will bid you good night - ive enjoyed our conversation
What I want to know is if I am over reacting to this guy and his insistence at picking off the layers instead of taking his time to wait for the rose to bloom, he is pushing his finger right to the center, rooting around there until he gets bored and then wandering off to find someone else to "help enlighten".
I am quite capable of figuring myself out and when I can't I have found people whose opinions I trust. I am not impulsive. He seems pissed off that I won't give him my phone number over the internet when he found me on an online website. I don't even give my phone number to people I have met in real life after the first meeting! This guy is too busy trying to impress me with how well he knows me instead of being insightful.
I guess from now on I need to say I am not looking for intelligent people, I am looking for insightful and thoughtful people. Gah.